Money

I know I have gone on and on with how I excited I am about this process, but I swear I mean it. And this is the part that I was most surprised by...how I spend money. I always knew I had a shopping problem. Had it before I had kids and I think it only got worse after kids. I recognized it but literally felt like I couldn't stop. A cute dress for Char or a new funny graphic tee for Jack was *all* I needed, right?

Without going into a super long story about my childhood, I will give you the basics. We were poor. Really poor. In high school, I remember Doc Martens being all the rage and I just *had* to have them. I saved my lunch money for months for a pair (you know, the ones that left a little tan on your foot in the shape of a flower). And while I don't fully blame a lesser-privileged childhood for my actions as an adult, I know they certainly didn't help. In school, I always just wanted to be cool. I wanted to be liked...and it kinda never really happened, even when I got the Doc Martens, so don't ask me why I didn't learn this lesson back then! Owning stuff doesn't make you cool. It doesn't make you a good person. It only means you have more stuff. 

When I got out of nursing school and got my first real job, I went a little crazy. Having money that was all mine that I could spend however I wanted was a complete thrill. And the feeling of "I can easily buy this for myself" was something I couldn't pass up. It felt good to feel like I had "made it." That I was an adult and I could get things when I wanted, without missing lunch for 3 months straight. 

Now factor in two kids and my love of trendy fashion for them, and you can only imagine the damage I have done. There have been times where one of my kids had over 30 pairs of shoes in one size. (insert terrified ghost-face emoji) I would pride myself on the fact that I got them all at a really good sale, or managed to stack coupons to get them for half off or something else that still never justified a toddler having so much. Each of my kids have had so much clothes that I had to go to Target just to buy more hangers to get them all in their closet. I made Cory buy a closet kit for Jack's room and install it. 

C R I N G E

Like I said before, I am probably a more extreme case...and I am not proud to admit it, it's honestly a little embarrassing. But I am sharing my story in the hopes that you see that if I can do this, you can do it.  

Purging the majority of the contents in my closet, kitchen,and kids' rooms has completely changed the way I look at new things to buy. Before, I would tell Cory about some new handmade romper I found on Instagram that I just needed for Charlotte...literally daily. In the last month, since reading about minimalism, I have seen absolutely adorable clothing that I still find very cute but I can easily say no to. As a matter of fact, I have become so uninterested in adding to my clutter, that I have unfollowed emails, IG accounts or unliked the shops on Facebook, just because I don't see myself heading down that path again. Don't get me wrong, I still love to get Charlotte dressed. I still love to see Jack wearing some cute sneakers, but right now we have everything we need. When they move up a size, I will check into those favorite shops of mine, but until then, I am not going to waste time staring at them or waste the money on an item that they may not wear. They have plenty. They have everything they need. And they are just kids. 

Target has always been a HUGE problem for us. Poor Cory would sometimes go with me a few times a week, knowing that I would search out every clearance rack in the store...for what, I don't know. Just whatever was there, I probably needed. I used to easily drop hundreds of dollars there at a time. A lot of it was things we needed, but a good portion were impulse buys. But I can tell you that in the last month, I have gone to Target three times, and I only got what I went for. I still browsed, to enjoy some mommy quiet time. But I stayed focused, and honestly, even when I found something I loved, I could tell that it would end up being just another thing I have to get rid of later. 

In just this month alone, we have put a TON of money towards our debts (paying off our last medical bill and our school loan is a serious goal of mine!) and I am seriously stoked about it. More stoked than I ever was when I bought stuff, and I didn't even know that was possible. I loved shopping, so I didn't imagine ever loving the feeling of not shopping. But I do. I love it. I love that the goals I have for my family (we want to move in the next couple of years and be completely debt free) will come true now that I am not being sucked into wanting things that only get in the way of those goals. 

I am not telling you to not buy anything. If you absolutely love it, or if you need it, then get it! But when you shop, do it the right way. Get what you need. Only buy what you can afford. Don't waste your hard-earned money on things. Set bigger goals. 

Imagine having all the money you ever spent on stuff you didn't need, imagine having it all back. Imagine how much that would be. What would you do with that money?

Thanks for reading. 

Chyleina